My Year in Review

So everyone is doing years in review as today is the final day of 2009. So here's mine!

January 2009

1. Brandon loses job and we have to deal with trumped up felony charges.
2. We make do with what we can do by living off our income tax return.
3. Kiera hits 5 months.

February 2009

1. We celebrate Nikki's 5th birthday and angel day.
2. Brandon still cannot find a job.
3. Kiera hits 6 months.

March 2009

1. Month 3 of no income - not looking good.
2. Kiera hits 7 months.

April 2009

1. I turn 30 years old - I don't know whether to celebrate or cry!
2. We start to run out of money. Looking at other living arrangements.
3. Happy Easter! Kiera hits 8 months.

May 2009

1. Decide to move in with my parents.
2. We find out why Brandon is not having luck with job hunting. Start working on deferred prosecution so he can find a job.
3. Kiera hits 9 months old.

June 2009

1. Move in with my parents - Hell on Earth but puts a roof over our heads.
2. Brandon has some great prospects but all fall through on the job front.
3. Kiera hits 10 months old - weans herself off of formula and baby food.

July 2009

1. Month 2 of living with my parents.
2. Brandon still not having any luck finding a job.
3. I find out I'm pregnant with our 2nd child together July 10th! Due March 19, 2010!
4. Kiera is 11 months old!!!

August 2009

1. Month 3 of living with my parents.
2. Brandon's grandmother "Gran" passes away at the age of 83 on Aug 15th.
3. Kiera Rose is 1 year old on Aug 5th
4. Brandon gets a job offer from Dollar General on Aug 18th.
5. We have multiple miscarriage scares but the baby hangs on!
6. Kiera finally gets her first teeth in 2 days after her birthday. She starts walking the same day!!
7. Brandon turns 24 August 26th.

September 2009

1. Brandon starts job at Dollar General on 9/5.
2. First u/s of baby #2 - What a peanut!!
3. Kiera turns 13 months old!
4. Brandon and I celebrate our 2 year anniversary 9/10.

October 2009

1. Happy Halloween!
2. Kiera turns 14 months old.
3. 5 months pregnant

November 2009

1. It's a GIRL! We decide to call our 2nd daughter together Bella Edie after Gran.
2. Kiera turns 15 months old.
3. Happy Thanksgiving!
4. 6 months pregnant.

December 2009

1. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
2. Kiera is 16 months old!
3. 7 months pregnant
4. Brandon gets a promotion at Dollar General with a pay raise.
5. We may have found a potential home for just us that we can afford. Stick around to see if we move or not!!!

I hope everyone's year in review was just as interesting as mine turned out to be!

29 weeks

If you’ve been feeling butterflies moving around in your belly, it’s not just your run-of-the-mill pre-birth performance anxiety. No, it’s your amazing baby with a case of the hiccups: a fairly common occurrence at this point resulting from practicing breathing for their big birthday. In addition, to getting a round of butterfly-like hiccups, your little swimmer has arduously managed to accumulate enough baby fat to account for nearly 3.5% of their overall body weight. Yeah, compared to we adults, it’s not a lot, but when they’re little like that—it’s certainly a healthy (and warming) accomplishment in its way. Another fantastic accomplishment: your baby's spleen is now in charge of hematopoiesis—the 10 dollar name for the process involved in building up certain important blood components. Another fantastic-accomplishment: your little monkey has been peeing into their amniotic sac for a little while now (this is why potty training takes a while) and if you didn’t know, actually swallows it along with the rest of the amniotic fluid. Although the concept is nasty, their urine is sterile and as part of the amniotic fluid base, is replaced several times throughout the day. So if you didn’t know before, now you can tell people, that yes, you drank your own urine—you were still in the womb, but nonetheless, you’ve been there.

28 weeks - Third Trimester!!!!

You know how you’ve been feeling a bit like a barn with legs? Well, that feeling won’t subside before… well, you know, when you finally give birth. For the time being, you’ve got yourself a baby in the business of collecting fat and lots of it! In spite of the dubious joys of being a human-barn, this baby fat business is very serious and you’ve got to put up with it because it’s going to keep your little porker warm and healthy after birth. Other good stuff from inside: their eyes are doing lots of blinking this week because they’re now able to respond to light and dark. Also, their industrious little bone marrow is now a major construction site for developing red blood cells, while their super-cute adrenal glands are actually producing androgen and estrogen—which will stimulate your hormones to begin milk production. Can you say, “Moo?”

27 weeks

Fetal development in pregnancy week 27:

Your not-so-tiny-anymore brilliant baby(about 2 pounds and 14.5 inches long!) is slowly rotating in preparation to “head out.” Obviously, this doesn’t happen overnight, but when you start to feel an unfamiliar pressure on your cervix, you’ll know you’ve got a fully flipped baby locked and loaded for the countdown to their birthday! Even now, at the beginning of the third trimester, their little lungs are already capable of breathing air while the pulmonary vascular system can provide sufficient gas exchange and the central nervous system can generally regulate rhythmic breathing as well as their basal body temperature. For what it’s worth, at this point in a healthy pregnancy a premature child (with intensive care) could easily win on the show: “Survivor: The Early Years.”

26 weeks

Fetal development in pregnancy week 26:

At long last, your little swimmer can see the womb! Your miracle’s little eyelids have finally separated (they were fused closed previously) and they’re probably having their first moments of sight as you read this (or maybe it already happened while you were brushing your teeth or watching Oprah or something). In addition to seeing their little studio in your belly, they’ve recently acquired the ability to say “yes” and “no” in rudimentary sign language as they can now move their head back and forth. This is also the time where your little super star’s head hair is starting to grow! A cute little cowlick or two may be springing into position right now, getting ready for years of cute-but-stubborn bed-head. Also, their toenails have grown in and you little raisin continues to slowly pile up fat beneath their still-loose skin. Most importantly, brain tissue and neurons are all developing at a rapid pace, increasing their (genius-level?) brain activity and will continue to function at accelerated levels for the first seven to eight years of childhood!

25 weeks!

Fetal development in pregnancy week 25:

Your little grower’s physical proportions are evening out at this point and most of their remaining development will largely be weight gain and lots and lots of nervous system development. The good news is: if your child is born premature now they’ll be more likely to survive without too much trauma as their lungs began to produce “surfactant” last week, which means their tiny respiratory system is getting stronger with each passing day. Yes, now’s a good time for a minor sigh of relief and a quick pat on the back. All that hard work and conscientious living is really getting your child prepared for a healthy delivery. Keep up the fabulous work mama! This week they’ll be scootching slowly out of the old breech position and start rotating (already!) into a better position for exit during their birth. Their head and feet are slowly rotating so that the head is pointed down towards the birth canal. Time is short (or really long, depending on who you ask)—just (still!) 14 weeks left before you can go back to being a single-resident human.

24 weeks - Viability!!!

Fetal development in pregnancy week 24:

This is another big week for your magical growing baby! Just take a look at the checklist for this week: 1) ears: done; 2) fingernails: done; 3) (if you have a boy) testicles: taking their 3-4 day trip from the abdominal wall to the scrotum; and 4) lungs walls: secreting “surfactant”. What’s that? Well, surfactant is sort of what it sounds like: a surface-activated fat whose main purpose is to assist the your baby's little lungs during inflation (as in, filling with air, not getting more expensive). Just in case you’re curious, your submerged baby is still breathing in amniotic fluid, preparing and rehearsing the lungs an oxygen-filled life outside the womb. By the end of this week, your child will be weighing around 2 lbs and 14 inches long. Your cutie-patootie may even be a little more plump, but isn't anywhere near their full baby-fatted cute-self. Most of the “filling out” is coming up in that long awaited (and slightly dreaded?) third trimester. Woo-hoo! Get ready!

My Thanksgiving!

Well like always I cooked and I made the most amazing bird! A whole 24 lbs of juicy goodness...

I was told it looked pretty enough for like Home & Garden or Good Housekeeping!

On the upside there are plenty of leftovers. Kiera had fun too. She got to play with Sierra and Nathan. Then we went to Brandon's cousin Michelle's house where his mother was. She had a ball there. Plus we have the Christmas tree up.

Here's a pic of Kiera lately too. Hope everyone had a great holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a terrific Thanksgiving today!!!

We heard Bella's heartbeat via doppler last night! Awesome! She's kicking up a storm this morning!

Off to start Thanksgiving dinner!!!!

23 weeks

Fetal development in pregnancy week 23:

At this point you’ve pretty much adjusted to the fact you’ve got a moving little gymnast inside of you, but now they’re going to kick up the party a notch because they can hear and react to sounds from the outside world. Sounds from your alarm clock, a thunder roll, or that darned car honking at you across the intersection can actually jar their little ears enough to elicit a kick or violent bout of squirming. Of course this also means that their little ears are picking up the sounds of your voice and those near you. So go ahead, sing a lullaby to your little angel—if they start kicking, it’s likely they just want you to stop… or maybe it was a kick of approval? You decide. Your baby's tiny taste buds are still growing and their bones are continuing to ossify (harden), their tiny veins are visible through their translucent yet wrinkly skin. (Think of it this way: they’ve been swimming in the equivalent of a long hot bath for the past 23 weeks, so you can’t blame them for being a little prune-like.)

Awww!

Brandon finally felt Bella move last night! It was so sweet. I was sitting there feeling her kicking up a storm so I grabbed his hand and he got thumped! Then he bent over and started kissing her and telling her how much he loved her. It almost brought a tear to my eye! Sitting here thinking about it brings a smile to my face while Bella kicks at the laptop!

I am DONE!

with Christmas that is!!! *LOL* I finished wrapping all of Kiera's presents today. I still have to wrap my niece's and nephew's few presents that my mom got them and I have one more present to buy for them (they want that Connect 4 x 4) but other than that I'm all finished! Woo Hoo!!!!

Sisters Forever

Photo Tinks by WiddlyTinks.com

Countdown!!!

Pregnancy Tickers

New Blog Layout!

I've been totally bored today so I updated my background to play around a little! What do you think? I like it although I found another one I liked better but it's all good!!!

22 weeks

Fetal development in pregnancy week 22:

The grow must go on! No wonder you’re getting so big, you’re now housing a wonder-baby who weighs nearly a pound and measures nearly a foot in length. Their perfect little pancreas is now further developed and they’ve also started producing their own hormones! Your baby's future in the circus as a world-famous tight-rope-walker is secure: their inner ear is now developed to the point that they have their own sense of balance. Lucky for your little explorer, balance also promotes physical dexterity, which has them actively feeling out their surroundings where skin, body parts, and the resident umbilical cord are the big sensory experiences. Your foot-long baby, is looking a bit like an oversized raisin right now as more and more wrinkles are showing up each week. Not to worry, all that excessive wrinkling is just their skin’s way of planning ahead for the time when they’ll start piling on that irresistible baby chub.

21 weeks

Fetal development in pregnancy week 21:

Your beautiful little miracle-gro baby will be putting on a full ounce and a half this week (and weighing up to 16.5 ounces), but that’s just the beginning! Within the next five weeks, they’ll really be packin’ it on! For now, we’re pleased to report the addition of rapid eye movement (REM) a key component to any healthy baby’s sleep schedule. While in the dermatology department: their thin soft skin is very red, rather translucent, and a bit wrinkled. Not to worry, it’s not a premature aging disease. It's just their clever little body setting them up with extra space that will smooth out once your little one starts packing on the baby-fat. That won’t be for a few more weeks, though. So for the time being, your munchkin is still a little lean mean growing machine! The beginnings of what is commonly called “brown fat” is just starting to fill in to help your baby retain some body heat, which is crucial as they’re not yet capable of regulating their own body temperature.

My Addiction

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. My addiction is vampires. Maybe it's because they have flooded mainstream society but I'm madly in love with the blood sucking variety. My husband knows this and he accepts it, even occasionally he'll contribute to my needs. Between Anne Rice's vamps and the mild manner Twilight variety, I'm like a pig in mud... allow me to overindulge in these naughty creatures of the night. The kind I like the best comes from my fav author Christine Feehan. Of course her vamps are the uberbad kind and it's the Carpathians I love the most but again... I'm addicted.

As far as vampy movies go, I don't like them.. Vamps are super sexual and yummy, not dirty foul smelling beasties. I will probably watch New Moon when it comes out but I really hate the actors they chose for a fav series of mine. Hopefully they'll redeem themselves by the time Breaking Dawn comes around.

Until then, I will feed my addiction through my books that I've read a hundred times and pray that it's enough!

20 weeks

This week you're carrying about 10.5 inches and 10.5 ounces of solid baby-miracle-goodness! Their little delicates bones continue to ossify and toughen while their itsy bitsy finger and toe pads are finishing up. Your little monkey now has teeth buds, although they’re hidden beneath the gum line. And finally! Their limbs have reached their relative proportions—no more alien baby! Their cute pink lips are more defined, and might be helping out in a bit of prenatal thumb-sucking. If you have a little boy, then their tiny testes are descending, though they have not yet passed the abdominal wall. What’s more, eyelashes and eyebrows are also visible. At this point, your little one really looks like a miniature baby—and we do mean miniature as your little swimmer currently weighs a mere eighth of their final birth weight. With half the pregnancy behind you, the most significant gains are yet to come!

To Kiera and Bella

Inspired by my friend Natalie:

I want to say I love you and thank you for being my daughters. Words can't describe the way I feel towards my beautiful babies.

Kiera - I'll take the sleepless nights, the bedrest, the morning sickness and all just for that first moment I got to hold you and kiss your chubby cheeks. Every day I have with you is a gift from above and I cherish every moment I have with you.

Bella - even though you are a stubborn little girl, I still love you with every beat of my heart. We've made it halfway through. I'm sure as you get bigger we'll enjoy more moments of kicks and punches and I'll value each and every one of them.

I love you girls more than life itself and I'm so grateful I get to be your mommy!

19 weeks

Your amazing little baby is now around 10 inches in length! If this seems a bit shocking, you’ll be relieved to know they’ve not actually grown over 3 inches, but that their little legs are now straight enough to be measured. This is when doctors begin measuring fetal growth from head to toe, (no longer “crown to rump” or CR). Lanugo (little hairs) covers their whole body now, trapping that charming cheese-like vernix caseosa (see week 18) to the surface to the skin. This week your lil’ fetus will start on an appetizing diet of amniotic fluid which they are now capable of swallowing, digesting, and passing the fluid as far as their tiny “large” intestines. Fortunately for you, this nice little lump of baby-poop won’t be coming out while they’re still in your womb. Some time shortly after they’re born, this fun lump will become the first in a long line of baby poops. (What finally comes out— commonly known as “meconium” to the science world, will be black and sticky, and you’ll be very glad it happens only once!)

It's a girl!!!

We confirmed today that Bella is in fact Bella and not Robert!!! Woo hoo!!!! I'm so tickled to pieces that I'm going to be a mommy to 2 little girls. It's almost as if I still had Nikki to go with Kiera. I've made my peace that Nikki isn't here but it's nice to have two girls!!!

Now that I'm halfway done baking this stubborn child, hopefully the other half isn't as bad!

18 weeks picture

Here I am, late but here's the 18 week pic. I don't think I changed much from last week!

18 weeks

We have two more ounces! Your "getting bigger-n-better by the minute baby" is already up to 7 ounces and 6 inches! This is a big week for their baby skin. There are now two distinct layers—the epidermis (or the surface skin) and dermis. Currently, their skin is covered with a greasy, waxy, cheese-like substance, known as vernix caseosa. Sure, it sounds pretty nasty, but this mixture of fatty secretions covering your little swimmer from head to toe is the best way to protect their oh-so-thin skin from bruising and abrasions as well as chapping caused by amniotic fluid exposure (and your little one is swimming in that stuff!). Still don’t like the fact your little darling is currently slathered in fatty cream like a greased pig? Well, you know the birthing process? Where you have to push something the size of a watermelon out a hole the size of a grape? That adorable little greased piglet would have a lot harder time getting through the birth canal without the vernix caseosa. Fun fact for momma’s with baby girls: it’s a uterus within a uterus! Your little girl will have developed a uterus and vagina canal by the end of this week.

Bad day

Last night my father (I use that for lack of a better term) came home while I was putting away groceries. He asked me if I made anything.

Nope I said I'm putting groceries away.

Fine then, make me some soup.

Why can't you make it yourself?

He got himself some tea and a yogurt. He inhaled the yogurt and bitched some more about the soup. I got pissed and fixed his damn soup.

Get me another yogurt.. something with banana in it.

So I go hunting for another stupid yogurt with banana in it. Then I realize he's almost out of tea. Since I'm the only one who can make it this means I have to do it. Brandon just finished giving the baby a bath and was getting her dressed meaning I didn't get to. I ask Mom to get his damn soup out of the microwave (mind you he's already polished off the 2 yogurts). This starts a chain reaction.

He gets bent because Kiera comes out after being dressed and he calls her but I call her back. I pick her up to take her back out to our room and he gets in my face, puts his hands on me, and pushes me back towards the stove with Kiera in my arms! Shouting ensues and finally I can get past him with Kiera still in my arms. I'm shaking by this point from being so angry. I tell Brandon if it continues to leave.

Needless to say the shouting, fighting, name calling, etc continues for hours. Brandon leaves with the baby. I didn't go because I knew I would never hear the end of it. Not to mention, he went to his aunt's house and they still haven't figured it out that I'm pregnant.

Once everything calms down I finally get a chance to call Brandon. He doesn't answer the phone because it was in another room charging. I didn't know this and break down once again. I then proceed to make cuts into my wrist.. just enough to bleed. Brandon still hasn't seen them and I will never hear the end of it if he does. There's 5 little cuts. The pain reminds me I'm still alive and can feel something other than extreme sadness.

Brandon finally calls me back and comes back around 9:30 last night. I get Kiera into bed. I go to the bathroom and my father calls me over to him.

Get me some tea and my meds.

Whatever. I get the crap so I can go to bed. I'm exhausted and drained by this point.

Do you really hate me that much?

No I tell him, lying through my teeth. I should have said Yes and we just move on from this point. But I'm tired of crying and feeling depressed so I just tell him what he wants to hear and I move on.

Finally around 11 I fall into a restless sleep. Kiera wakes up at 2:30 am and it takes me over an hour to get her back to sleep. I look like I've been beaten this morning, have a major headache and generally feel like crap.

Hopefully today will be better.

17 week pic

Here it is... 17 weeks!!! Baby is kicking away while I'm sitting here typing!

17 weeks

Courtesy of baby-gaga.com:





Don't be too shocked but... your baby is EVEN bigger than it was last week, not to mention getting cuter, and smarter every day! As you’ve come to expect, there’s no shortage of growth and development this week: your fantastic little bean stalk has added yet another half inch to their overall height-- making them nearly half a foot long! Their little limbs have reached (or are within one week of) their relative proportions, and will continue to grow evenly with the rest of the body after this week. Reactive listening has begun for your baby, even though their ears are not yet structurally complete or fully functional. Meanwhile, different parts of their astonishingly complex brain are developing to process your little one’s hearing and other senses, (you know, sight, smell, taste and touch). Mind boggling factoid of the week: if you’re having going to have a little girl, her ovaries have already produced millions of primordial egg cells, which, within a few weeks, will develop into actual eggs! Phew… just wait till she’s a teenager eh?

16 weeks

Courtesy of baby-gaga.com:

Over the past three weeks your astounding growing baby has managed to stretch yet another 2 full inches (totaling about 4.5 inches) and weighs around 3.5 ounces. Yessireee, that’s some pretty serious growth... and with it comes several physical developments! For starters, their head to body ratio is finally starting to even out a bit as the rest of the body is actually growing faster than the head at this point. Yes, your little light bulb is not so top-heavy. Their adorable little limbs have lengthened, almost reaching their normal proportions which they will have at birth. Their eyes are still closed but moving and if you had an ultrasound, which many doctors recommend you have at about this time, you may even see your little one sucking on a thumb, not to mention the necessary signifiers to let you know whether you’ve got a wee lad or lassie.

tuesday morning

Here it is.. Tuesday morning.. I'm sitting here watching Kiera eat Cheerios aka baby crack with the news on.. They are calling for another day of rain...

Oh joy.

Yesterday I kept feeling the baby move thinking it was so remarkable since I'm only 16 weeks along to be feeling movement already.

It's another sleepy day.. I slept most of yesterday and I'm still tired. Maybe Kiera will be up for some cuddling so I can sneak in a nap.

I doubt it.

16 weeks!

Now that I'm coming up on the 4 month mark, here's a pic to mark the occassion! WOOT WOOT!!!

I look friggin huge.. what's the next 5 months going to have in store for me!!!

Sleepy Day

Apparently it's a sleepy day for everyone... not really feeling the baby.. quite frustrating... I look hugely pregnant but I don't feel hugely pregnant. Kiera is cranky although we had some fun "moments" earlier. I feel like a zombie but then again that could be the meds.. at least I don't feel quite so fighting mad to lash out. I hope Brandon actually gets off at 2 today. I would love to get out of the house today! Maybe I'll just settle for a nap instead.

Stupid people

Why is it people feel the need to be stupid in regards to whatever and then expect sympathy when the stupidity rears it's ugly head?

My father is a fat cow. We know this. He's over 430 lbs and in very poor health. He doesn't eat right, doesn't exercise, barely moves, can't even dress himself, etc. He doesn't take his medication like he's supposed to and when he does take it, it makes him lightheaded and dizzy. Well when you eat fried fatty foods, load up on carbs, eat enough food for 2 or 3 people, it's going to knock you on your butt. He doesn't understand this and expects us to feel sorry for him because he's "limited" to what he can do. Yeah okay.

He also has this stupid pool game that he loves to play. His ID keeps getting banned because he likes to pick fights with the moderators on the forum of this stupid pool game. Then he wants me to find out how to change the I.P. address, call the internet people and have them change it, and email the support team asking them why he was banned (not to mention the fact that he's portraying himself as a 12 year old girl).

Then Brandon starts telling me about his stupid fat lazy boss. He knew going in from previously working with this piece of shit that he was utterly lazy and totally relied on his crew to make him look good. He doesn't do anything other than push papers. If he actually works the 50 hours a week he's supposed to I'd be shocked.

Why do I have to deal with stupid people????? It doesn't help that being almost 4 months pregnant means I'm hormonal. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

Sweet Oblivion

Brandon's mother is still oblivious. If she knows she isn't saying anything and she's not one to keep her DAMN mouth shut! I don't know if his aunt knows but she's not saying anything either. Maybe they'll figure it out around Thanksgiving.. I'll be about 24-25 weeks. I don't know how much longer they'll think I'm just fat.

Sundays

Sundays are the bain of my existance. These are the days Brandon normally sees his mom although it's been a few weeks since I've gone. His mom still doesn't know I'm pregnant and now that I'm 15 weeks along, it's pretty noticeable. I think when she realizes that I'm almost 4 months along she's gonna get her feelings hurt that we didn't tell her sooner. He's such a chicken when it comes to his mother.

I get it.. about 6 weeks ago we had to deal with the death of his Gran. His mom has been a basket case since. But reality is.. I'm pregnant, I'm showing and her oblivion isn't going to last forever. Brandon really should man up and tell her but I have a feeling I'm going to have to do it. So far only his cousin knows.

Yay!

Today I get to spend the day with Brandon and Kiera! I love getting to spend the day with them away from the house!!

I felt her move!!!

It was pretty cool. Yesterday while napping with Kiera, I kept feeling a digging sensation under the waistband of the shorts I was wearing. They went midbelly and I felt it like 4 times over the course of the day!

WOOHOO!!!

It was so cool! With Kiera I felt her about 16 or 17 weeks. I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow!!!!

Feeling like a Zombie

The title says it all. The extra dose of meds make me feel more or less like a zombie. So much so that Kiera and I took a 3 hour nap earlier and I already feel like I could go back to bed. I hope these meds aren't drugging out the baby. Supposedly these will not hurt the baby so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Maybe we'll go outside and get some fresh air. Brandon should be home in a couple of hours. I miss him.

She's happy!

I have a happy baby today. She's laughing and playing while pigging out on donuts and juice. I love it when she's in a good mood... it's easier to stay in a good mood around her.

Now it's time to clean her up.. maybe she'll be up for some cuddling later around nap time.

Great Appt!

I had my first appt today with the new OB office. The nursing staff were great! They joked along right with me. I met one of their midwives today and she commented on how well informed I was with my wishes. They also hooked me up with an awesome goodie bag. I go back in 4 weeks for my next appt and my big u/s is in 4.5 weeks. I can't wait.

Baby had a sleepy heartbeat of 140.. slow and steady which told me that little bugger was sleeping again!!!! I'm still thinking pink however.. I really want another little girl but I will be happy with whichever we have.

Now time to get my little girl ready for bed since she's SOOOOO cranky!!!! *RME*

There's this irritating pinching

In my abdomen. It's not really where I would expect round ligament pain (which is one of the worst pains IMO) but it's not really where the baby is either so I don't know what the cause of the pain is.

I keep trying to get help from Brandon since picking Kiera up irritates it further but he's less than interested and is more interested in being antisocial.

He really doesn't like living here with my parents. I can't really blame him since it's not really his fault Family Dollar screwed him over. I know he wants to leave but making minimum wage and working 30 miles away you tend to break even. Good thing gas keeps going down.

Back to my original complaint, it's a good thing I have a doctor's appt tomorrow. I'll have to remember to ask them. It's with a new OB... I hope she's a better doctor than some of the ones I've had in the past. I'm not going to hesitate this time around. I suffer from RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) and I need a proactive OB. As it was it's been over 3 weeks since I've seen a doctor and been released from the health dept (requirement in NC when you have medicaid). They claim it was the first appt they had available and even changed my time (originally it was 8 am and now it's not till 1:30 pm). I have to get up earlier anyway and do a walk in appt with Jessica (the P.A. who I see at the shrink's office) so I can get a refill on my meds.

Speaking of the meds, I'm not really sure if they are helping or not. The higher dosage definitely seems to be helping better than the low dosage. I'm on Symbyax for my bipolar 1 and it's a combination of olanzapine and Prozac. I was on the 3/25 dosage and now I'm on the 6/25. My bad days are still Wednesdays and Thursdays (which happen to be my father's days off from work). I'm fine as long as I don't have to deal with him but it's almost impossible when he keeps relying on me for everything!!!! I'm tired of being his live in maid - I cook for him, I clean for him, I do his laundry, I clean his room, I help him get dressed... the list goes on and on. It's so irritating taking care of a 13 month old and a 55 year old that acts worse than my 13 month old. Don't get me wrong.. I love taking care of Kiera.. she's my world.. but 2 babies and one I didn't give birth too... I think he would challenge a saint.

So maybe I need to go up in dosage just for the days he has off.. we only have one car and when Brandon is at work I'm stuck at home. Maybe it'll just be easier with Mom home now. Last week was really rough.

I guess I should stop complaining for now.

Nothing fits...

And I do mean NOTHING! My drawers don't fit (that's underwear for non southern people), maternity clothes are still too big but my regular clothes are too small. I spend most of my time now in jammies that fit but if I have to go out, I spend most of my time hiking up my pants or pulling down my shirt.

Bah.

Mmmmm

I finally got my salad.. it's so good!!!! Yummmmmy!!!!!

This baby has got to be a girl. With both of my girls I wanted salad all the time. With Nikki it was McNuggets and salad, with Kiera it was steak and salad.. this time is steak and salad too...

Mmmmmm steak..... No wait.. Mmmmmm salad.

Damn pregnancy amnesia...

This is ridiculous!

I'm so hungry all the time and it makes no difference how much I eat.. but then I eat and I feel sick to my stomach.. It's a no win situation.

Either that or that steak I cooked wasn't cooked enough.. when I'm pregnant I like it medium, medium rare instead of medium well. Maybe because I'm borderline anemic. Who knows but as long as it's almost mooing I'm good.

Maybe I'll just stick to a salad.

14 weeks!

I can't believe that I'm already 14 weeks pregnant. The baby is approximately the size of a lemon. I'm pretty sure I felt a kick yesterday but many would say 'yeah right' and roll their eyes. Brandon did. He still hasn't told his mom yet. Chicken shit.

At a crossroad

I'm reconsidering being a stay at home mom. I'm thinking about going back to school for nursing and becoming an RN. They make good money around here and we could use the second income so we can finally get our house, move out of my parents' house and be on our own again! But I really want to homeschool our children and be an intrical part of their lives. I'm at such a crossroad right now.. Brandon is right there with me.

Do I look like I care?

Why my dad feels the need to tell me how much he hates his job is beyond me... You sit on your fat ass, sleep in between customers, don't move furniture, don't really move at all, go in when you feel like, take hour long lunches.. I mean honestly.. what's not to love? So you aren't a lying, cheating salesman (so you say).. it's the crooks that make all the money. So why are we having this discussion again?

Kiera Rose

What can I say about my sweet Kiera Rose that hasn't already been said... She's my beautiful 13 month old daughter who is my pride and joy. I miss her big sister terribly but I know she is looking down at us and laughing with us.

Kiera is right now whining terribly, saying Mama while playing with her daddy's hair stuff that he never puts up where she can't get to them.

I'm so tickled that she is going to be a big sister.

Remembering Nikki

Having so many friends losing their babies, it brings back memories of my sweet baby girl, Nikki. Nikki was my miracle child. After 2 miscarriages when I was a teenager, here I was pregnant, conceived with someone I once thought the world of, of a little girl who became my world during her brief stay here. The pregnancy was horrible, terrible morning sickness, bleeding issues, new mommy fears that were never addressed.

Nikki was born on my mom's 45th birthday: 2-13-04. Friday the 13th @ 6:12 am. She left this world a mere 36 hours and 18 minutes later on Valentine's Day: 2-14-04 @ 6:30 pm.

Her passing was called a fluke of nature. No genetic reason for all the birth defects and yet there they were. My world ended. I was placed on multiple medications after being diagnosed with Major Depressive Episode, Post traumatic stress disorder, & Post partum depression. For 6 weeks I laid in my bed and cried... only my mom kept me here on Earth when I so desperately wanted to leave to be with her.

Here it is over 5 years later and I thank Nikki every day for giving me the strength to still be here. I now have a beautiful 1 year old who is the light of my life and am 3 months pregnant with Nikki and Kiera's little sibling.

I love you Nikki. Please give my love to Gran, Mimi, Papa, Uncle Eddie and all the lost babies of my friends.