Remembering Nikki

Having so many friends losing their babies, it brings back memories of my sweet baby girl, Nikki. Nikki was my miracle child. After 2 miscarriages when I was a teenager, here I was pregnant, conceived with someone I once thought the world of, of a little girl who became my world during her brief stay here. The pregnancy was horrible, terrible morning sickness, bleeding issues, new mommy fears that were never addressed.

Nikki was born on my mom's 45th birthday: 2-13-04. Friday the 13th @ 6:12 am. She left this world a mere 36 hours and 18 minutes later on Valentine's Day: 2-14-04 @ 6:30 pm.

Her passing was called a fluke of nature. No genetic reason for all the birth defects and yet there they were. My world ended. I was placed on multiple medications after being diagnosed with Major Depressive Episode, Post traumatic stress disorder, & Post partum depression. For 6 weeks I laid in my bed and cried... only my mom kept me here on Earth when I so desperately wanted to leave to be with her.

Here it is over 5 years later and I thank Nikki every day for giving me the strength to still be here. I now have a beautiful 1 year old who is the light of my life and am 3 months pregnant with Nikki and Kiera's little sibling.

I love you Nikki. Please give my love to Gran, Mimi, Papa, Uncle Eddie and all the lost babies of my friends.