Bad day

Last night my father (I use that for lack of a better term) came home while I was putting away groceries. He asked me if I made anything.

Nope I said I'm putting groceries away.

Fine then, make me some soup.

Why can't you make it yourself?

He got himself some tea and a yogurt. He inhaled the yogurt and bitched some more about the soup. I got pissed and fixed his damn soup.

Get me another yogurt.. something with banana in it.

So I go hunting for another stupid yogurt with banana in it. Then I realize he's almost out of tea. Since I'm the only one who can make it this means I have to do it. Brandon just finished giving the baby a bath and was getting her dressed meaning I didn't get to. I ask Mom to get his damn soup out of the microwave (mind you he's already polished off the 2 yogurts). This starts a chain reaction.

He gets bent because Kiera comes out after being dressed and he calls her but I call her back. I pick her up to take her back out to our room and he gets in my face, puts his hands on me, and pushes me back towards the stove with Kiera in my arms! Shouting ensues and finally I can get past him with Kiera still in my arms. I'm shaking by this point from being so angry. I tell Brandon if it continues to leave.

Needless to say the shouting, fighting, name calling, etc continues for hours. Brandon leaves with the baby. I didn't go because I knew I would never hear the end of it. Not to mention, he went to his aunt's house and they still haven't figured it out that I'm pregnant.

Once everything calms down I finally get a chance to call Brandon. He doesn't answer the phone because it was in another room charging. I didn't know this and break down once again. I then proceed to make cuts into my wrist.. just enough to bleed. Brandon still hasn't seen them and I will never hear the end of it if he does. There's 5 little cuts. The pain reminds me I'm still alive and can feel something other than extreme sadness.

Brandon finally calls me back and comes back around 9:30 last night. I get Kiera into bed. I go to the bathroom and my father calls me over to him.

Get me some tea and my meds.

Whatever. I get the crap so I can go to bed. I'm exhausted and drained by this point.

Do you really hate me that much?

No I tell him, lying through my teeth. I should have said Yes and we just move on from this point. But I'm tired of crying and feeling depressed so I just tell him what he wants to hear and I move on.

Finally around 11 I fall into a restless sleep. Kiera wakes up at 2:30 am and it takes me over an hour to get her back to sleep. I look like I've been beaten this morning, have a major headache and generally feel like crap.

Hopefully today will be better.