16 weeks!

Now that I'm coming up on the 4 month mark, here's a pic to mark the occassion! WOOT WOOT!!!

I look friggin huge.. what's the next 5 months going to have in store for me!!!

Sleepy Day

Apparently it's a sleepy day for everyone... not really feeling the baby.. quite frustrating... I look hugely pregnant but I don't feel hugely pregnant. Kiera is cranky although we had some fun "moments" earlier. I feel like a zombie but then again that could be the meds.. at least I don't feel quite so fighting mad to lash out. I hope Brandon actually gets off at 2 today. I would love to get out of the house today! Maybe I'll just settle for a nap instead.

Stupid people

Why is it people feel the need to be stupid in regards to whatever and then expect sympathy when the stupidity rears it's ugly head?

My father is a fat cow. We know this. He's over 430 lbs and in very poor health. He doesn't eat right, doesn't exercise, barely moves, can't even dress himself, etc. He doesn't take his medication like he's supposed to and when he does take it, it makes him lightheaded and dizzy. Well when you eat fried fatty foods, load up on carbs, eat enough food for 2 or 3 people, it's going to knock you on your butt. He doesn't understand this and expects us to feel sorry for him because he's "limited" to what he can do. Yeah okay.

He also has this stupid pool game that he loves to play. His ID keeps getting banned because he likes to pick fights with the moderators on the forum of this stupid pool game. Then he wants me to find out how to change the I.P. address, call the internet people and have them change it, and email the support team asking them why he was banned (not to mention the fact that he's portraying himself as a 12 year old girl).

Then Brandon starts telling me about his stupid fat lazy boss. He knew going in from previously working with this piece of shit that he was utterly lazy and totally relied on his crew to make him look good. He doesn't do anything other than push papers. If he actually works the 50 hours a week he's supposed to I'd be shocked.

Why do I have to deal with stupid people????? It doesn't help that being almost 4 months pregnant means I'm hormonal. I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

Sweet Oblivion

Brandon's mother is still oblivious. If she knows she isn't saying anything and she's not one to keep her DAMN mouth shut! I don't know if his aunt knows but she's not saying anything either. Maybe they'll figure it out around Thanksgiving.. I'll be about 24-25 weeks. I don't know how much longer they'll think I'm just fat.

Sundays

Sundays are the bain of my existance. These are the days Brandon normally sees his mom although it's been a few weeks since I've gone. His mom still doesn't know I'm pregnant and now that I'm 15 weeks along, it's pretty noticeable. I think when she realizes that I'm almost 4 months along she's gonna get her feelings hurt that we didn't tell her sooner. He's such a chicken when it comes to his mother.

I get it.. about 6 weeks ago we had to deal with the death of his Gran. His mom has been a basket case since. But reality is.. I'm pregnant, I'm showing and her oblivion isn't going to last forever. Brandon really should man up and tell her but I have a feeling I'm going to have to do it. So far only his cousin knows.

Yay!

Today I get to spend the day with Brandon and Kiera! I love getting to spend the day with them away from the house!!

I felt her move!!!

It was pretty cool. Yesterday while napping with Kiera, I kept feeling a digging sensation under the waistband of the shorts I was wearing. They went midbelly and I felt it like 4 times over the course of the day!

WOOHOO!!!

It was so cool! With Kiera I felt her about 16 or 17 weeks. I'll be 15 weeks tomorrow!!!!

Feeling like a Zombie

The title says it all. The extra dose of meds make me feel more or less like a zombie. So much so that Kiera and I took a 3 hour nap earlier and I already feel like I could go back to bed. I hope these meds aren't drugging out the baby. Supposedly these will not hurt the baby so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Maybe we'll go outside and get some fresh air. Brandon should be home in a couple of hours. I miss him.

She's happy!

I have a happy baby today. She's laughing and playing while pigging out on donuts and juice. I love it when she's in a good mood... it's easier to stay in a good mood around her.

Now it's time to clean her up.. maybe she'll be up for some cuddling later around nap time.

Great Appt!

I had my first appt today with the new OB office. The nursing staff were great! They joked along right with me. I met one of their midwives today and she commented on how well informed I was with my wishes. They also hooked me up with an awesome goodie bag. I go back in 4 weeks for my next appt and my big u/s is in 4.5 weeks. I can't wait.

Baby had a sleepy heartbeat of 140.. slow and steady which told me that little bugger was sleeping again!!!! I'm still thinking pink however.. I really want another little girl but I will be happy with whichever we have.

Now time to get my little girl ready for bed since she's SOOOOO cranky!!!! *RME*

There's this irritating pinching

In my abdomen. It's not really where I would expect round ligament pain (which is one of the worst pains IMO) but it's not really where the baby is either so I don't know what the cause of the pain is.

I keep trying to get help from Brandon since picking Kiera up irritates it further but he's less than interested and is more interested in being antisocial.

He really doesn't like living here with my parents. I can't really blame him since it's not really his fault Family Dollar screwed him over. I know he wants to leave but making minimum wage and working 30 miles away you tend to break even. Good thing gas keeps going down.

Back to my original complaint, it's a good thing I have a doctor's appt tomorrow. I'll have to remember to ask them. It's with a new OB... I hope she's a better doctor than some of the ones I've had in the past. I'm not going to hesitate this time around. I suffer from RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss) and I need a proactive OB. As it was it's been over 3 weeks since I've seen a doctor and been released from the health dept (requirement in NC when you have medicaid). They claim it was the first appt they had available and even changed my time (originally it was 8 am and now it's not till 1:30 pm). I have to get up earlier anyway and do a walk in appt with Jessica (the P.A. who I see at the shrink's office) so I can get a refill on my meds.

Speaking of the meds, I'm not really sure if they are helping or not. The higher dosage definitely seems to be helping better than the low dosage. I'm on Symbyax for my bipolar 1 and it's a combination of olanzapine and Prozac. I was on the 3/25 dosage and now I'm on the 6/25. My bad days are still Wednesdays and Thursdays (which happen to be my father's days off from work). I'm fine as long as I don't have to deal with him but it's almost impossible when he keeps relying on me for everything!!!! I'm tired of being his live in maid - I cook for him, I clean for him, I do his laundry, I clean his room, I help him get dressed... the list goes on and on. It's so irritating taking care of a 13 month old and a 55 year old that acts worse than my 13 month old. Don't get me wrong.. I love taking care of Kiera.. she's my world.. but 2 babies and one I didn't give birth too... I think he would challenge a saint.

So maybe I need to go up in dosage just for the days he has off.. we only have one car and when Brandon is at work I'm stuck at home. Maybe it'll just be easier with Mom home now. Last week was really rough.

I guess I should stop complaining for now.

Nothing fits...

And I do mean NOTHING! My drawers don't fit (that's underwear for non southern people), maternity clothes are still too big but my regular clothes are too small. I spend most of my time now in jammies that fit but if I have to go out, I spend most of my time hiking up my pants or pulling down my shirt.

Bah.

Mmmmm

I finally got my salad.. it's so good!!!! Yummmmmy!!!!!

This baby has got to be a girl. With both of my girls I wanted salad all the time. With Nikki it was McNuggets and salad, with Kiera it was steak and salad.. this time is steak and salad too...

Mmmmmm steak..... No wait.. Mmmmmm salad.

Damn pregnancy amnesia...

This is ridiculous!

I'm so hungry all the time and it makes no difference how much I eat.. but then I eat and I feel sick to my stomach.. It's a no win situation.

Either that or that steak I cooked wasn't cooked enough.. when I'm pregnant I like it medium, medium rare instead of medium well. Maybe because I'm borderline anemic. Who knows but as long as it's almost mooing I'm good.

Maybe I'll just stick to a salad.

14 weeks!

I can't believe that I'm already 14 weeks pregnant. The baby is approximately the size of a lemon. I'm pretty sure I felt a kick yesterday but many would say 'yeah right' and roll their eyes. Brandon did. He still hasn't told his mom yet. Chicken shit.

At a crossroad

I'm reconsidering being a stay at home mom. I'm thinking about going back to school for nursing and becoming an RN. They make good money around here and we could use the second income so we can finally get our house, move out of my parents' house and be on our own again! But I really want to homeschool our children and be an intrical part of their lives. I'm at such a crossroad right now.. Brandon is right there with me.

Do I look like I care?

Why my dad feels the need to tell me how much he hates his job is beyond me... You sit on your fat ass, sleep in between customers, don't move furniture, don't really move at all, go in when you feel like, take hour long lunches.. I mean honestly.. what's not to love? So you aren't a lying, cheating salesman (so you say).. it's the crooks that make all the money. So why are we having this discussion again?

Kiera Rose

What can I say about my sweet Kiera Rose that hasn't already been said... She's my beautiful 13 month old daughter who is my pride and joy. I miss her big sister terribly but I know she is looking down at us and laughing with us.

Kiera is right now whining terribly, saying Mama while playing with her daddy's hair stuff that he never puts up where she can't get to them.

I'm so tickled that she is going to be a big sister.

Remembering Nikki

Having so many friends losing their babies, it brings back memories of my sweet baby girl, Nikki. Nikki was my miracle child. After 2 miscarriages when I was a teenager, here I was pregnant, conceived with someone I once thought the world of, of a little girl who became my world during her brief stay here. The pregnancy was horrible, terrible morning sickness, bleeding issues, new mommy fears that were never addressed.

Nikki was born on my mom's 45th birthday: 2-13-04. Friday the 13th @ 6:12 am. She left this world a mere 36 hours and 18 minutes later on Valentine's Day: 2-14-04 @ 6:30 pm.

Her passing was called a fluke of nature. No genetic reason for all the birth defects and yet there they were. My world ended. I was placed on multiple medications after being diagnosed with Major Depressive Episode, Post traumatic stress disorder, & Post partum depression. For 6 weeks I laid in my bed and cried... only my mom kept me here on Earth when I so desperately wanted to leave to be with her.

Here it is over 5 years later and I thank Nikki every day for giving me the strength to still be here. I now have a beautiful 1 year old who is the light of my life and am 3 months pregnant with Nikki and Kiera's little sibling.

I love you Nikki. Please give my love to Gran, Mimi, Papa, Uncle Eddie and all the lost babies of my friends.